Somebody Call Security! My Scarf’s in the Laundry!

Posted on May 23, 2014 by Lorne Jaffe

Last week I did the unthinkable – I washed Sienna’s security scarf. I have to admit it was tough and I did everything possible for Sienna not to see that this colorful piece of fabric she appropriated from my wife go into and out of the laundry basket and washing machine, but toddlers either have a sixth sense of better eyesight than any creature on the planet because they notice the slightest feint of hand. Seriously, I don’t know why people bother to hire magicians for children’s birthday parties because from my admittedly limited experience, toddlers tend to catch every little trick you try to pull on them.

Examples:

I know I was in the other room, but Daddy, I saw you put medicine in my orange juice. I ain’t drinking it! I’m not even going to try it! In fact, I’m just gonna say, “No!” repeatedly!

You think I wouldn’t notice that Little Green Monkey was missing from the enormous pile of stuffed animals on my bed even though I haven’t played with him in a month? Think again! “Green monkey?? Little green monkey??”

I love doing laundry with you, Daddy, but did you really think I wouldn’t notice my security scarf was in the wash even though you took it without me looking and buried it like a prisoner trying to escape the big house? “Scarf? Scarf?? SCARF???”

Who knows how dirty the scarf was when I decided it was time for a wash? She drags it around the house and outside on the sidewalk and through the grass and sand and dirt at the park. People see her in her stroller and call her a “fashionista,” but little do they know Sienna and her scarf are nearly inseparable. She sleeps with it every night (the one time she went to sleep without it, she woke up in the middle of the night crying out for it).

“Fashionista” Sienna and her security scarf

And so Sienna begged for her scarf for 32 solid minutes while the machine rattled and shook, sucking out all the pollen and cat hair, the dirt and grime, the saliva and snot, the tears and food stains. And after those agonizing 32 minutes ended and I unloaded the washer, I was forced to extend Sienna’s torment because the scarf’s too delicate to go in the dryer so I had to lay it out in plain sight while it air-dried.

“Sienna,” I said. “Scarf needs to dry. I’m sorry but you can’t have it yet. As soon as it’s dry I promise I’ll run over and drape you in it.”

But the little girl’s answered me with tears and wails for “SCARF!!!”

And so I did the best thing I could: I spread it over her high chair thus leaving it low enough for her to touch, but high enough for it to dry . It took a ton of effort and continuous explaining to prevent Sienna from ripping that wet scarf from the chair, but she finally gave in and stood there, sucking her thumb and holding her security scarf with a sort of desperation and contentment.

What is it about this scarf that calms my daughter so? Why does she find such solace in it? Why does one thing call out to a toddler more than another be it a doll, a stuffed animal, a scarf?

I’m no stranger to security objects. When I was a kid I remember loving a gray stuffed dog. That poor thing had so many surgeries it looked like Frankenweenie. I think I also had a blanket. Actually, I’m pretty sure my parents one day stole it from my bed when they decided I was too old for it hoping I wouldn’t go ballistic. I don’t think I did. I don’t recall why I loved either the dog or the blanket.

Even today I don’t feel comfortable unless I’m wearing my Yankee cap (and it has nothing do with the Yankees), though this one I understand and even blogged about its import.

I don’t have any problems with Sienna loving this scarf, but I dread the next time I must take away such a precious thing to wash it because as a parent it hurts me to see my daughter so anguished. I just find it fascinating that she chose this scarf as the object that makes her feel safe and wish I knew why, a wish that will most likely go unfulfilled.

So let’s hear from you. What are your children’s security objects? Do your kids go nuts when they have to be washed? How many operations have you had to perform on a beloved stuffed animal or a delicate scarf?

Tweekaboo Review: A Terrific Baby/Book Diary for the Digital Age

Posted on May 19, 2014 by Lorne Jaffe

When my daughter was first born I used to write these long posts on Facebook about what had happened each day or every few days, chronicling everything from a first smile to my anxieties as a new dad and all the little things in between that all new parents know and some non-parents don’t want to hear about. And like every new parent I plastered Facebook with pictures of my darling daughter so much so that some people probably started unfollowing me because they got tired of looking at her giving the same look just in a different onesie. The most important people in her life (besides my wife and I of course) – relatives, best friends, etc., couldn’t get enough, but the rest I’m sure had HAD enough and that’s where Tweekaboo would have come in perfectly, which I assume leaves you asking:

Tweeka-tweeka-boo, what are you? And why must all of parents run to open free accounts?

Well, simply put, Tweekaboo is a site founded by Eugene Murphy and designed for families; for the on-the-go moms and dads that don’t have time to put together giant scrapbooks (online or otherwise) of their pregnancies and children’s milestones and birthdays; for the parents who want to record and share funny anecdotes and cute photos or videos without smothering Facebook and without worrying their privacy might be compromised. Tweekaboo is, in essence, a brilliant online way to share “moments” online with a close knit group of people who can comment and share their own moments in turn. Just upload a pic, vid, note or diary entry via via Iphone, IPad, Mac, or PC (apps will soon be available for Android and Blackberry users as well) and it’s right there for all in the group to see. But here’s the key (and this is for parents of children of all ages): you can import things from Facebook and Twitter as well and when doing so Tweekaboo automatically imports all of your captions and notes pertaining to the pic as well as all of the comments associated with each picture! You can even export pictures, videos and diary entries directly to Facebook or Twitter if you so choose. What’s important is that you don’t feel forced to do so and instead feel compelled to just keep that group closed as if they’re part of a special club (which they are).

So how’s it work?

Simply go to the very easy-t0-use and clutter-free www.tweekaboo.com and sign up for a free account. Create your profile (note how it shows a list of possible albums at the bottom of the screen capture as this will come into play later):

Then invite your partner to join followed by friends and family members:

Once you’ve done that, it’s time to start creating “moments.” As stated before you can do so by uploading something off your home computer or phone (again, Android and Blackberry apps are on the way) or you can import selected pictures from Facebook both by following user-friendly prompts.

Once you’ve chosen your moments you can add captions and notes and sort them into the different standard or customizable albums (pregnancy, birthdays, holidays, one for each child, etc.) I mentioned earlier, though when you log into Tweekaboo you’ll notice all of your photos appear in a general mass from most to least recent. However, just click on the album you wish to see and it sorts automatically. That’s it! Now everyone invited can comment and share and will be notified via e-mail that someone has shared a Tweekaboo moment. So, for example, below is a Tweekaboo moment imported from my wife’s Facebook account complete with caption (don’t worry, the full caption’s there) and a comment:

You can even edit moments you’ve imported from Facebook, choosing which comments you’d like to keep and which you’d like to trash or adding additional notes or missing captions.

And here’s where it’s about to get really cool. Recently Tweekaboo began offering a printing service that allows you to create a photo book filled with your pictures and words. When you start creating the “Tweekabook,” it automatically organizes moments from earliest to latest so you’re really looking at a timeline of the subject you’ve chosen. Should you include imported Facebook pictures, the book prints out all associated captions, notes and comments (except those you’ve chosen to delete) as well so it’s really like traveling down memory lane. I recently got the chance to create a book for my wife for Mother’s Day beginning with our daughter’s birth and going about 7-months in and it literally had her teary-eyed and smiling because though a picture’s worth a thousand words, all of that daily exposition I’d written and all of the comments people posted brought each moment right back to her heart. “That’s right!” she said as she read a comment, “I remember saying that! I remember doing that!”

Here is a lowdown on book pricing:

The quality of the book is superb. I brought it with me yesterday to my father’s 70th birthday celebration and showed it around and people were wowed by the incorporation of Facebook comments and notes. That, to me, is what will separate Tweekaboo from sites such as Shutterfly and Snapfish. That, to me, is what makes it worth purchasing a photo book from Tweekaboo which ships anywhere in the world.

Here is how the book looks in real life (please not that I took the picture in darkness and from far away to secure my own privacy):

Now, while I’ve expounded on the greatness and innovation of Tweekaboo, the site is not without its bugs, especially when it comes to creating the book. Currently videos are limited to approximately 30 seconds, but the reality is just last year Tweekaboo was still in beta version, and Mr. Murphy assures me that the 30-sec limit will increase in the future. The book requires a minimum of 12 front-and-back pages and has a maximum of 24 back-and-front pages. You can only save one draft of any one book at one time, so if you’ve edited some stuff within the book and you realize you’ve forgotten to add a picture, you need to start over. It’s better to edit each moment before you start the book. Moreover, as stated before, when you log into Tweekaboo, all of your moments show up on the homepage rather than in tight separate albums. This can be rather frustrating if you need to see something at the bottom of the page because you have to scroll your way through

However, and this is where I am positive these and other issues I might have missed will be fixed in a timely fashion, I spent a great deal of time corresponding with Tweekaboo founder, Eugene Murphy, and CTO, Mark Hennesey, about these bugs and each time I caught something, they put it immediately into a queue of things to fix. For example, I suggested that photo manipulation was minimal and Mr. Murphy informed me that they’ve increased the speed to implement a new program which allows for photo cropping, enhancement, etc. Further, there are plans to make books longer than 24 pages front-and-back, but that is on the back burner at the moment. Obviously none of these improvements are solely because of me (I’m sure they were in the pipeline), but what I got from this was that those behind Tweekaboo are eager to create the best possible experience for the user and consumer. Some companies would balk if you wrote them, but Tweekaboo was completely flexible and willing to listen and consider ideas. Based on my interaction with Mr. Murphy and Mr. Hennessey, I have no doubt they would be like that with the average user as well and that customer service will be both a breeze and a pleasant experience.

Currently Tweekaboo is being marketed as a “parenting hack” meaning a quick online diary and easy-to-put-together and print book for parents with multiple kids who can’t put in the time and effort they did into documenting their second or third or fourth child as they did with their first or working parents who likewise lack that precious time. Parents can access it on-the-go or at home, but as the company grows (and it is sure to), those of us with older children will benefit from the longer book because the memories it will bring back will be that much more extreme (see my wife tearing up after reading comments she hasn’t seen for 2 years). Further, Tweekaboo doesn’t necessarily have to be limited to parents and their families. A group of friends can use Tweekaboo and get that same secret clubhouse security. For instance, a member of a group of friends all going off to college just might want to give each of his/her best buddies a trip down memory lane via an extraordinary Tweekabook filled with pictures, notes and comments.

Essentially Tweekaboo is for anyone, and that’s a really great thing because people are going to love it!

Grade: A- (A+ once the company fixes some known bugs)

Disclaimer: While I was not paid for this review, I did receive a free Tweekabook.

7 Unintentionally Dirty Things I’ve Said to My Kid

Posted on May 13, 2014 by Lorne Jaffe

The best thing about Easter for us non-Easter-celebrating folk is when it’s over and drugstores slash prices on holiday-related things. Yesterday I stopped by CVS, went through their 75% items, and came home with something I thought my 2-year-old daughter would go bananas over – a yellow plastic cylinder like the base of a flashlight with clear egg-shaped top made to look like a bee. When you press a button, the insides of the egg spin causing lights to flash and the whole thing to buzz and quiver. The toy cost 62 cents or approximately what it cost to make. Sienna squealed with glee and I smiled because I’d made my daughter happy.

Ear!” she shouted, eyes gleaming with fascination at this new sensation tickling her skin. She pressed the buzzing bee to her earlobe. “Nose! Arm! Elbow! Head!”

“Wait until your bedroom’s dark,” I said excitedly. “It’ll light up blue and green and yellow and red! Do you like how it vibrates?” And then my innocently meant words hit me in an entirely differently context. I looked at the shape of the thing. The bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sound echoed in my ears. Face-palm.

Sienna with her new “toy”

To all you new or soon-to-be parents out there, this isn’t an abnormal thing. You’re all going to say something really simple only to do a double take with your partner as it sinks in that you’ve said a simple phrase you’ve happened to associate with Skinemaxian entertainment for the past decade or two. At first you’ll blush. Then you’ll giggle. Soon you and your partner will race to say, “That’s what she/he said!” And finally, as your child gets older and you and your partner try not to laugh at what one of you just said, you’re just going to do the old face-palm. So I present to you the 7 funniest phrases (plus one bonus Q&A that had my wife and I on the floor) I’ve said to of about my daughter that when taken out of context, means something entirely different in the bedroom.:

1) “Do you like how it vibrates?”

See above

2) “Please swallow!” and “Don’t spit! Swallow!”

The first time I said this I literally cringed until I caught my wife’s eye and saw her trying so hard not to laugh. Then I just laughed along and went with it.

3) “The girl was so wet, she was dripping.”

Ah those fluctuating pre-air conditioner spring days when you put your kid down for a nap and discover her all sweaty and disgusting because her room was about 80 degrees.

4) “You need to suck harder.”

Teaching my daughter how to use a straw. My wife beat me to “That’s what he said!”

5) “She’s so cute, I just want to eat her.”

Can’t remember when or why I said it, but does it matter? When those words come out of your mouth, translate into adult connotations, and you realize you’re talking about your daughter? *shiver*

6) “Did you just put that whole thing in your mouth?!”

After Sienna gobbled an entire string cheese without chewing forcing her cheeks to look like she’d been gathering nuts for the winter

7) “Stop playing with your balls!”

Doesn’t really apply to a girl, but it still generated a sideways look between my wife and I. You parents of boys are sure to love saying that one for the first time!

BONUS!

One thing you new and soon-to-be parents might not know is that kids sometimes take time to learn how to use their tongues correctly (face-palm) meaning that the letter L often gives them trouble. Hence, I bring you the following interaction that had my wife and I doubled over with laughter as our daughter stood with such gloriously and proud and pure look on her face:

Me: “Sienna, what do you want for dinner?”

Sienna, pointing at the wall clock: “C*ck”

What can us parents do but cackle?

Zach Rosenberg – Dad and “Dad Media” Analyst Extraordinaire

Posted on May 13, 2014 by Lorne Jaffe

I’ve written plenty about myself and my ups and downs of late and so wanted to take a break and tell you about Zach Rosenberg. Zach, one of the founders of 8BitDad, a site that shares personal stories as well as tackling parenting issues and trends that arise in both social and standard media, essentially does what I aimed to do when I got my Masters in Media Ecology from NYU: analyze the symbiotic relationship between media and culture. But while I too often fall behind or get stuck trying to word things so perfectly (I STILL haven’t written about why I consider Breaking Bad to be one of the most culturally significant television programs of all time), Zach and his site’s co-founder, Bryan, are always out in front or, as shown in their incredible investigative report – Observations on Dad-Bias in 140 Commercials from 2013 – summing up the year in Dad media (as it turned out, to Zach and Bryan’s surprise, commercials portrayed dads in much better light in 2013 than in 2012 showing the power and importance dad bloggers and the Dad 2.0 Summit which in part aims to broaden the media’s idea of what being a father entails. If you have the chance, check out Zach’s work on 2013 commercials and stop by 8BitDad for all things fatherhood.

Important Messages For 2 Important Moms

Posted on May 11, 2014 by Lorne Jaffe

“Do you want to go wake Mommy?” I asked Sienna with a grin.

The little girl opened her eyes wide and beamed.

“Please!”

It was last weekend and I’d either let Elaine sleep in or she’d taken a nap. Regardless it was time to wake her from dreamland so a little girl could climb a bed like the North Mountain in Frozen and jump into her mother’s arms. I walked down the hall to the bedroom. Sienna ran already calling, “Mommmmy!!! Mommmmmyy!!” Little does she know Elaine can sleep through almost anything, even the stomping down the hall and calls of her daughter.

I turned the knob and Sienna squeezed through the doorway well before I opened the door to allow myself in. She hit the bed at a run.

“MOMMMMMMMYYYYY!!!!”

Elaine awoke dazed and sat up, but when she saw her daughter scaling the bed, she smiled with utter warmth and joy. And that’s when the shrieks and squeals began because, well, Mommy was home and awake and nothing ever tops Mommy being home and awake. Nothing.

Once Sienna reached the top of the bed she jumped fell into Elaine as if her mother were a pile a pillows, not a human being who might suffer broken ribs, poked eyes or, as happened in this case, have the wind slightly knocked out her leading to an “OOMPH!” One day Sienna will know she needs to be more gentle, but not yet. Right now she’s all id, a ball of energy that wants her mommy and nothing was going to stop her.

Elaine and Sienna proceeded to play a game called “Tent” in which Mommy holds her leg straight up under the covers and Sienna does a fake scream and fall and then gets wrapped up in the blanket. She could play this game for hours or days or years. It’s a great test for endurance. Perhaps they should make it a challenge on Survivor. I mostly watched and took everything in because those squeals of pure elation got me thinking about something and once “Tent” was over, Sienna had scrambled off the bed and run down the hall and Elaine had gotten up, I took Elaine gently by the shoulders and said it.

“Did you hear those shrieks and squeals when she saw you?” Did you see how happy she was to see you? That’s because of how much she loves you. It’s NOT because you’re working during the week and she doesn’t see you as much as me. It’s because you’re her Mommy and she loves her mommy. Every day it’s, ‘Mommy?’ and I have to say you’re at work. The girl worships you. She adores you. You’re her Mommy and even if you were home all day, she’d still shriek and squeal when she sees you. You’re that special to her.”

Elaine’s eyes watered and she thanked me because yes, she does think she’s failing as a mom (she’s not…not by a long shot) and yes she does feel guilty that she’s not home enough and that Sienna maybe, just maybe, loves me more than her (so far from the truth!). Elaine is a wonderful mom, an amazing mom who can invent a silly game like “Tent” and play it over and over even if it’s starting to hurt her hip. She thinks about Sienna constantly. She thinks that Sienna’s existence and beauty and sweet nature proves that a higher power exists. And only an incredible mother would do and think such things. Elaine is just that and Sienna and I are both extraordinarily lucky to have her in our lives.

Sienna & Grandma on Sienna’s 2nd birthday

My mom doesn’t like to be photographed. It must be in the genes because I don’t like to be photographed either and unfortunately it means I couldn’t find a nice picture of the two of us on my computer when I decided to write this blog an hour ago in honor of Mother’s Day. So I guess you’ll have to deal with a great pic of Grandma Lynne and Sienna and why not? She’s a terrific grandmother – kind, generous, tolerant, stern when she needs to be. She’s such a wonderful grandmother that Sienna asks to see her almost daily. Lucky for her, Grandma works across the street. Unlucky for her, Daddy has issues he needs to deal with about going outside, but he’s working on them.

Daddy’s got a lot of issues that stem from many things in his past, but none of that’s important right now because I want to talk about how far my mom’s come in learning how to deal with a child suffering depression and anxiety, how much she’s been there for me, how she never stops believing in me or fighting for me even when I sort of take things out on her (we do tend to hurt the people we love, unfortunately), and how without her, I doubt I’d be as kind or generous or tolerant or stern when I need to be as I am. She’s taught me so much these past 2+ years when it comes to raising Sienna and she’s been there so many times when I’ve broken down and needed help. She gets a text or a phone call about me having an anxiety attack and she runs, not just for my daughter’s sake, but for mine…because she loves me and she’ll do anything for me. She’ll stay there all day playing with Sienna in the living room while I recover in bed if need be.

I know she feels guilty about not protecting me enough when I was younger or maybe pushing me a little too hard. I know that I’m still not able to completely let go of those things – yet – that sometimes they infiltrate my system and try to break and punish me, tell me lies about myself. My mom tells me the truth. She tells me she loves me. She tells me I’m talented and have enormous worth. And even if I can’t accept it at the time, I’m trying to let those words and feelings in.

Mom, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You were a 1st time parent dealing with a child who had and still has a chemical imbalance in his head that was exacerbated by certain things. We know a lot more about depression now today than you ever did when you raising me.

And here’s the real truth. I treasure you. You’ve unconditionally accepted Elaine and love her with all of your heart. You adore Sienna. You cherish me. And I thank you for that. I thank you for everything. I don’t say it near enough. I love you and I treasure you. Because you’re my mommy.

Happy Mother’s Day to my phenomenal wife and devoted mom, both truly special people.