I stress over everything whether rational or irrational (mostly the latter). Lately I’ve been stressing about blogging, how I’m falling behind, losing my readers. I have so many things I want to blog about and I feel overwhelmed. For instance, I really really want to blog about “Breaking Bad” but my former writing instructor’s voice keeps telling me such a piece is no longer “timely” and therefore I’ve lost my chance. Sounds ridiculous, of course, because it is. Still, it’s hampering me. Another thing I’m stressing about is designing Sienna’s latest photo book. Usually I create one every three months, but I’m two months behind. I’m anxious each time I try to work on it because it has to be perfect (perfection being a nasty habit about which I’ve already blogged), and the longer I wait, the harder it is to do. Last night as I was lamenting working on her next book, Elaine suggested writing about my difficulties in hopes it’ll release me both from my backed up blogging and my photo book anxiety. So this might not be the best blog, but at least it’ll be out there.
When we first told people Elaine was pregnant, one of my best friends advised me to take pictures – lots and lots of pictures – because I’m naturally going to forget things as Sienna enters new stages. I’ve followed his advice, but have added my own craziness. Because of sites like Shutterfly that allow you to be creative and design your own photo books, I’ve become obsessed with preserving perfect memories. I spend hours constructing these books, sometimes staying up all night as a coupon deadline approaches. The front and back cover pictures must be perfect. The title must convey the book’s substance. Each page must be beautiful and include enhancements (that Shutterfly allows you to add or images I’ll download from the ‘net) and my own witticisms. For example, if Sienna’s wearing a zombie shirt in a pic, I might add a shot from “The Walking Dead” and the word, “BRAINS!!!” It’s gotten to the point where I’m no longer doing these books just for Elaine, Sienna and I, but for an unknown audience that’ll never see them. If I notice a grammatical error upon receiving the book, I get seriously pissed at myself for ruining the thing. It’s wholly irrational and ludicrous, but what else is new?
I wonder if I’m alone when it comes to photo book anxiety. Do other people go nuts trying to create the perfect album? Is this a universal reaction to the numerous possibilities presented by sites like Shutterfly or does it just happen to me, someone who gets obsessed and anxious? All I know is that I’m being irrational and yet I’m not currently able to stop these feelings that rush at me like a charging bull.
My mom once suggested I go slowly when designing these books – a page here, a page there – instead of waiting until the last minute. I’ve tried that, but it hasn’t worked. I find I’m more creative (if that’s what it is) when under the gun. But with each book comes a need to top myself, and this time, I’m completely blocked. There are dozens of folders sitting on my desktop filled with pictures that demand perfect placement and accompanying words and enhancements. It’s scary how much power they have over me or to be more realistic, how much power my irrational mind has over me. It’s just a damn photo album, but to me it represents so much more. Just like this blog is just a damn blog. Now if I could just believe that.
M
October 26, 2013 at 12:42pmMy first Shutterfly book of my beloved cat was done and ordered four times! I got the first one and said yuck, same for the second one. The last one I was satisfied to a certain point but by this time I had spent a lot of money and frankly my husband was done with the spending!! Shutterfly was VERY happy with me though! I found out later that if you call them, they will extend the offer/promo; you just need to ask them when to call back if you’re calling before the deadline.
I am so a**l about this stuff. I literally will spend hours and hours working on a book and then check/edit a million times (not an exaggeration). My most recent book was for my mom of her precious little granddaughter and it upset me so much because I wanted it to be completely accurate and it wasn’t. Before that, I did one of my son’s college graduation and I was beaming because I had spend hours and days/nights on it and it looked great, until I got it in the mail and realized that I had a spelling error on the cover! >:( I was so beside myself for missing something that was so obvious!
Maybe doing a book every three months is too much pressure and stress. Also, maybe it doesn’t have to be super detailed. It’s ok that you don’t use every single pic.
The irony for me is that I have a ton of photo albums of my son since he was born, and now they are all in a trunk; haven’t looked at them in years! 😉
Sara
October 27, 2013 at 11:20pmLorne, a couple of thoughts: First, you are not alone. I share your photo book perfection stress, but I’m truly inspired by your five gorgeous books pictured above! Maybe I will get on the ball and finally finish my first baby book that I started on Shutterfly eons ago — of my now 8 year old!!!!! (Yes, I literally have eight years of photos of my 2 kids lovingly preserved… on my C-DRIVE. Not proud!). I will let you know if/when I finally pull the trigger and click Done/Submit!
Secondly, as a purely practical point, babies change *so much* in their first year, so it’s awesome you were on the 3-month book cycle for her first year. For her second year, maybe you could consciously choose to cut yourself some slack and go to a 6-month cycle.