Sienna & the Moon Remind Me How Lucky I Am

Her utter excitement and bewilderment swept through me like nothing I’d ever experienced, for as much as I’d like to say I’m seeing things anew this might have been the first time where I truly felt the power of watching the world through my daughter’s eyes. It was a crescent moon, the type of moon that in the immortal words of Cookie Monster, “looks like a cookie, but you can’t eat [it].” In my arms Sienna stared at the sky, eyes wide, mouth agape. She pointed.

“MOON!!!!!”

Her rush of joy filled me. Sienna had been saying “moon” for some time now because she has a toy that lights up and spreads a starry sky across her bedroom ceiling. Elaine and I spent time in her darkened room save for the electric stars and crescent moon teaching her words. This was the first time I could remember her seeing the celestial body and calling its name.

The moon disappeared behind some fast-moving clouds. “Where’d it go?” Sienna asked, arms outstretched, palms up, questioning. I assured her it was still there. We waited until it reappeared.

“MOON!!!!!”

5012304017_f566f58b50_z

 

I felt so lucky to have witnessed something so wonderful, a parent watching a child’s recognition of Earth’s natural satellite, an occurrence that’s been going on since the beginning of human existence. In that moment I felt no fear. The heaviness of failure that I’d applied to myself because I am a stay-at-home dad was further than the moon from Earth. It was so special that it made me realize how quickly Sienna’s language skills are developing. How because I’m a stay-at-home dad I’m fortunate enough to enjoy childhood leaps and bounds that generations of men could never experience. I feel like I can see Sienna’s mind and personality flourish, the gears turning behind her eyes. I’m head over heels for my daughter, even if I need a break from her quite a bit.

My one regret is that Elaine wasn’t there to share the moment with me; my family was incomplete. Because she’s currently the breadwinner, she does miss out on certain things, and I know she’s devastated by that. But she’s an incredible mom and when she’s home with Sienna the love between them is palpable. When she’s home Sienna runs to her, so excited to see Mommy.

I never thought I’d have a girlfriend, let alone a wife and a daughter. My brain still fights me when it comes to having it all. My view of success remains warped. I still feel like I’m depriving Sienna by not taking her to a different museum or park or class every day, but I do feel enriched when we’re home together singing the old “Batman” theme while she pumps her arms up and down, Batman in one hand, Joker in the other.

It’s been thought forever that the moon has special powers. I’ve never believed that, but last night proved me wrong.

“MOON!!!!!”

My body’s still shivering with child-like wonder.

 

What Kids & Parents Should Take Away From the Miami Dolphins Bullying Situation

incognito

Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito (68) and tackle Jonathan Martin (71) looks over plays during the second half of an NFL preseason football game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Saturday, Aug. 24, 2013 in Miami Gardens, Fla Photo- Associated Press/Wilfredo Lee

1) When a 310 lb professional football player can be bullied, anyone can. Kids and parents definitely need to know this. It doesn’t matter what you look like, how tall you are, how heavy you are, whether you’re male or female, how old you are; anyone can be a victim of bullying which has reached an epidemic in schools across the nation. As NY Jet, Bart Scott, said on ESPN Radio: “Anybody can be bullied, it’s not about size.”

2) Don’t be afraid to step forward. Children are often way too scared to say anything to anyone about being bullied. I was that way as a child and in fact, it’s a trait that’s followed me into adulthood. Bullied kids feel like they’re alone. They feel no one will believe them should they speak up. They feel no one will do anything about it and that the taunts and punches and threats will just get worse. There’s a lack of trust in the system – teachers, principals, guidance counselors, peers, parents. Documentaries such as Bully highlight this distrust, fear and, as far as the system goes, failure to help. I’ve experienced it myself. In 6th grade I was being harassed by the kid who sat next to me in the classroom. Following months of whispered teasing and under-the-table kicks, I went to my teacher (a bully herself) to complain and asked to change seats. She didn’t believe me and worse, accused me of making it up. If children are to learn to trust and feel safe, they need the system to come through. Jonathan Martin stepped forward despite knowing that the culture of professional football and the locker room dictates never to call out a teammate, especially in the press. He decided he’d had enough and placed his trust in the Dolphins organization and the NFL to do something about the situation. Bullied children should look at Martin and do the same. Step forward. I know that should Sienna ever be bullied, I’d want her to tell me, to trust that I’ll not just believe her, but I’ll take action.

3) Tied into the fear of stepping forward is this: the potential repercussions from speaking up are worth it. Some NFL players, including Antrel Rolle of the NY Giants, have accused Martin of not being man enough to stand up for himself. According to Rolle, “Was Richie Incognito wrong? Absolutely, but I think the other guy is just as much to blame as Richie, because he allowed it to happen. At this level, you’re a man. You’re not a little boy. You’re not a freshman in college. You’re a man.” Sorry, Antrel, but this is an outdated and way too common belief that actually perpetuates bullying. I don’t care what level you’re at – grade school, high school, a 30-yr-old at work – not everyone has it in them to resort to violence to stop a bully, nor should they have to. Too many parents, especially fathers, of boys share this thought and actually bully their kids into fighting. How is this good? Many told me I was more of a man when I chose not to challenge a guy who bullied me at Sienna’s Halloween party. This holds true for Martin and for any kid who follows the same route. Sure there will be idiots like Rolle, but not resorting to violence is the way to go. Parents need to teach this to their children. Perhaps doing so will help prevent kids from turning to guns and thus lower the probability of future Columbines. As NY Jet, Bart Scott said on ESPN Radio, “Thank God he (Martin) didn’t bring a gun to work and start shooting.”

4) There might actually be positives when it comes to bullying and social media. Cyberbullying, like regular bullying, is out of control. Just this past September, Rebecca Ann Sedwick jumped to her death due to insane social media harassment from a gaggle of girls. Sedwick was 12 years old. One of the final messages she received was: “You aren’t dead yet…Go jump off of a building.” Such bullying via sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., happens all the time. In fact, it happened to Jonathan Martin, but Martin turned it around on his bully. He saved Incognito’s hateful texts and emails and used them as proof which got Incognito suspended and, perhaps, banned from the NFL. Children should look to Martin as an example, as should parents who need to teach their kids about the dangers of social media and that should they be harassed, they must save everything to use as proof. This is actual evidence of bullying instead of the my word vs. his/her word of the past as I referred to above during my 6th grade bullying story. Authority figures also need to learn not dismiss such evidence and instead treat it as extremely serious. We might just save a child’s life.

I know we’ll never put an end to bullying, but there’s no reason why we can’t curtail it and learn from publicized incidents. The Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin incident is a perfect way for authority figures to teach children that bullying can happen to anyone; that one need not be afraid to step forward; that there’s no need to turn to violence; that the repercussions of stepping forward clearly outweigh not saying anything; and that social media can be used against a cyberbully. Now we just need to learn and teach. We need to protect out children. It’s the first rule of being a parent. Thank you Jonathan Martin for setting such a wonderful example.

The Tragic Loss of Adrian Peterson’s 2-Year-Old Son

Just a few minutes ago I learned that Adrian Peterson’s 2-year-old son has died from head trauma – non-accidental head trauma – injuries allegedly caused by domestic abuse at the hands of his mother’s boyfriend in his mother’s boyfriend’s home. It didn’t matter that Adrian Peterson is the star running back for the Minnesota Vikings. It didn’t matter that Peterson takes home millions of dollars, nearly broke the single season rushing record last season, and won the league’s MVP. Despite all his strength and skill and money, Peterson couldn’t save his boy from the violent hands of one person, a trusted person (at least by the boy’s mother) though the man had had domestic abuse issues in the past. The news hit me like a ‘roided up linebacker.

adrian-peterson-450x300

Adrian Peterson lost his son today due to alleged physical abuse by the child’s mother’s boyfriend.

It’s been said that the loss of a child is the worst pain a person can feel. It’s something I nearly experienced a few weeks ago during Sienna’s choking episode, something I hope to never, ever have to deal with. I can’t imagine what Peterson’s going through right now. His son was only six months older than Sienna, the most precious thing in my life aside from Elaine. How can someone physically assault a child? It’s something I’ll never understand. I can barely slap Sienna’s hand when she’s in a troublemaking mood without feeling terrible about myself.

The news of Peterson’s loss also reminded one of the reasons why I’m a stay-at-home dad – both Elaine and I know that our daughter’s in safe hands. Soon enough that time will pass. Sienna, like most kids, will be off to school and could become prey to a violent or sexually depraved teacher or neighbor or fellow student or untrustworthy family member (thankfully I don’t have any of those to my knowledge) or complete stranger. Soon enough I won’t be able to protect her as well as I can now. For all I know she might one day walk into a store and encounter a supposedly friendly owner who turns out to be a sexual predator similar to that “Diff’rent Strokes” episode when Arnold (Gary Coleman) and Dudley (Shavar Ross) went into that infamous bike shop. And don’t even mention social network stalking. I can’t fathom that right now. I can’t fathom any of this. Peterson’s son was just 2 years old and he was allegedly beaten to death by someone he probably trusted. 2 years old. And despite being exceedingly wealthy and celebrated, his father could do nothing but receive the news no parent wants to hear.

I’ve never felt luckier to be a stay-at-home dad than I do right now. My heart bleeds for Adrian Peterson and his family.