The Loss of James Gandolfini

I wasn’t sure if I could write about the sudden loss of James Gandolfini because this blog is supposed to be about my battles with depression while raising my daughter, but both my therapist and my friend, Oscar, told me that this is my blog and I can write about whatever I’d like. Thus, because I’ve been anxious about writing about the man who brilliantly portrayed Tony Soprano on my blog, I’m a little late to the tributes and thoughts and summations about the actor’s life and his cultural impact.

To be honest, it’s rare when I’m affected by a celebrity’s death. The last time I remember feeling so shocked and saddened was we unexpectedly lost John Ritter. That time it was because I’d grown up watching John Ritter and his death made me think about my own aging and mortality more than usual. In the case of James Gandolfini, my first thought shock that he was younger than my current 39 years when “The Sopranos” premiered. Then I began to think about the greatness of the show (I’m still mixed on the ending, but I do recall my heart pumping like crazy) and the emotional complexity Gandolfini brought to the character of Tony Soprano.

It was Gandolfini’s eyes, his movements, his vocal inflections, that made me believe that even the head of a mob family could suffer from panic attacks, an anxiety disorder, and depression. As I watched Gandalfini as Tony in that first episode clutching his chest, trying to breathe, I could see myself; Tony was me and I was Tony despite him being a wealthy, powerful, and often vicious character and me being a real, working class, easily frightened person. I also watched as Tony stubbornly fought his therapist, just as I do; Gandolfini’s acting during Tony’s therapy sessions was beyond genius because he truly captured via his body language and facial expressions how hard it is to be in therapy.

As I recalled Gandolfini in the wake of his death, I thought about Jeffrey Tambor. It sounds like a strange leap, but believe me, it’s not. A few weeks ago, my sister attended an event in which Jeffrey Tambor (of “Arrested Development” fame…perhaps my comedy ever) spoke about his own battles with depression and anxiety (http://theinneractor.com/336/personal-development-for-actors-jeffrey-tambor-on-using-fear/).

After the event, my sister, in a very sweet and caring manner, spoke to Jeffrey Tambor about me and my struggles. It amazes me how far-reaching depression and anxiety are; how many people are affected regardless of job or social status, wealth, etc. I too often compare myself to others negatively. Gandolfini’s abrupt death led me to thinking about his interpretation of Tony Soprano, a powerful man repeatedly left powerless by anxiety, and then to Jeffrey Tambor, a successful actor who deals with the same battles as myself. It’s time I begin to positively compare myself to others since so many of us share these diseases and disorders.

So thank you James Gandolfini for bringing the culturally important character of Tony Soprano (as well as numerous other characters on stage and screen) to life. You will be most definitely be missed.