Despite feeling like I’m about 7 years old and still wanting to believe someone can protect me from whatever cruelties exist in the world, I’m turning 40 tomorrow. I planned to blog about how mortified I am about this; how I distinctly remember my father turning 40 and thinking, “Wow, he’s old!”; how deeply depressed I get even when my birthday doesn’t begin with a 4 and end with an 0; how I especially fear February 10, 2014 so much because Elaine won’t arrive home until 9 pm leaving me trying to fight the usual birthday darkness and hold myself together in front of Sienna all day long. But instead, while tossing and turning in bed last night, I decided to go the positive route and list 30 things (because 40 is supposedly the new 30) I never thought I’d experience had you asked me when I graduated college in 1996. So here goes:
1) I’m still alive – I’ve had so many suicidal thoughts that despite never acting on them I suspected one day I might
2) I lost my virginity
3) I didn’t just get married, but I wed the most beautiful, caring (I could go on and on without running out of favorable adjectives) person on the planet
Elaine on our wedding day
4) I survived dozens of panic attacks and 2 nervous breakdowns the latter of which (in 2010) I’m still recovering from
5) On what was one of the most meaningful, near-paralyzing days of my life post-breakdown, I somehow stopped a full-on panic attack right before my wife’s c-section because she was shaking from the fears of being sliced open and becoming a mother which led me to…
6) Becoming a father to a fascinating and gorgeous little girl (who was delivered by Santa Claus) and realizing the majesty of parent
7) I found a therapist I eventually came to believe cares about me
8) I reconciled with and developed new relationships with both my father and sister
9) I have the same best friends I’ve had since the ages of 8 (when I met one) and 12 (when I met the other)
My best friends, Sienna and I this in November 2013
10) I had surgery to correct gynecomastia (male breast enlargement) which I suffered from between the ages of 11 and 29 and published a piece about it; I also had laser to remove my back hair leading me to…
11) Take off my shirt in public for the first time since I was 10
12) I received a masters in Media Ecology from NYU
13) A professional actor performed a monologue I wrote
14) Despite extreme anxiety and several public meltdowns, I joined the NYC Dads Group where Lance Somerfield, Matt Schnieder, Jason Greene, Kevin McKeever, Larry Interrante, Danny Giardino and Christoper Persley among others would all cheer me on
15) I started blogging about raising my daughter while battling depression and anxiety
16) I zip-lined through the jungles of Costa Rica
17) I not only saw the Yankees win a World Series, but I witnessed one of the greatest dynasties of all time (1996-2001) and attended a WS game
18) The 2008 MLB All-Star Game Program contained an article featuring me and my disillusionment with how the Yankees have forgotten how to build a team
19) My best friend since I was 8 and I had made a pact when we were 12 or so that when our favorite ballplayers (me: Dave Winfield; he: Ozzie Smith) were inducted into the Hall of Fame, we’d head up to Cooperstown for the ceremonies. They were elected in consecutive years and our childhood promise came to fruition
20) I paraglided in Alaska
Yep, that’s me
21) I discovered a bar in Scotland somehow named after me (though they refused to give me anything on the house even when I showed my passport)
22) During my Contiki trip through Scotland, England and Wales, I actually had 3 girls interested in me (I’d never had ANY girls interested in me before), wound up in a short-lived long-distance relationship with an exquisite woman from California and made numerous Aussie friends which led to…
23) Me traveling to the place I most wanted to visit in the world where I spent New Year’s Eve watching fireworks shoot out of the Harbor Bridge
My friend Derek and I in front of the famed Sydney Opera House
24) Two friends and I put on an impromptu puppet show on the Charles Bridge in Prague, Czech Republic and even received some money from tourists
25) I traveled all over Europe, Central America, the Caribbean and North America
26) The former head of the Chinese Mafia (now reformed and a friend of my father’s who worked on his cases) helped me move from Queens to Jersey City
27) Despite my trepidation, I joined a movie club and met some wonderful friends
28) Doug French, co-founder of Dad 2.0, invited me to read one of my blogs (titled “Do I Really Like What I Like“) at the 2014 summit in New Orleans at which I received not just a shocking standing ovation, but so many accolades that I’m still trying to process it
Speaking at Dad 2.0 in New Orleans
29) In the words of fellow dad blogger, Carter Gattis, I think I’ve found my tribe
30) I wrote this blog
Larry
February 9, 2014 at 11:25pmA great list – some really cool things. Happy birthday.
I was hyped about 40 too. I wrote a short story about it which prompted me to get serious about writing again. So, I am really happy for turning 40. 41 plus – well, I’m still dealing with those.
Lorne Jaffe
February 13, 2014 at 8:56amThanks Larry! Trying hard not to let 40 get the best of me. Too often I wish I had Sienna younger so I’d be able to do more things with her. Guess that means I need to make our time together that much more special
Larry Interrante
February 10, 2014 at 8:41amWow! You accomplished so much in 40 years. It is such a positive blog. Turning 40 is just a number. You are not old at all. I am turning 49 this year and look forward to another of friendship with you. I will always have your back and will always be here for you. Happy 40th Birthday Lorne!
Lorne Jaffe
February 13, 2014 at 8:53amThanks so much Larry! Wish I could see it as just a number instead a scary number. Start thinking about the time I’ve lost, the time I have left and I get bogged down. Very lucky to have found you as a friend!
sherry amatenstein
February 10, 2014 at 11:18amThis is a wonderful list that is now in cyber-print and you can refer back to when you need it. And I am touched and honored to be included on this list.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. It is wonderful you are in this world
Love, Sherry
Lorne Jaffe
February 13, 2014 at 8:52amThanks so much Sherry!
Lance
February 10, 2014 at 6:35pmHappy 40th Lorne! Just joined the club myself over the summer and it’s been treating me well so far. Always there to cheer you on, support you in any way I can, and create some cool events so we can all get together locally with other dads.
Lorne Jaffe
February 13, 2014 at 8:52amThanks so much Lance. Can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Will try to be more active this summer. Might be easier w/ Sienna a year older