We finally went and did it – we scheduled Sienna’s first plane ride and I’m half excited and half mortified. I’m going to be that person with the crying baby that elicits reflexive growls from fellow travelers upon evening seeing a child’s on the flight. I know it well because I’ve always been that person. Thankfully Elaine will be with me, but pity the poor soul who has to sit next to, in front of, and behind us.
I’m assuming, of course, that Sienna’s going to be a handful, but that’s where my mind goes. So to combat that a bit, I’ll tell a little about the trip. We got a great deal on airfare. We’re heading to Tampa (non-stop – whew!) to visit one of my oldest and dearest friends, his wife, and his parents who over the years, especially recently, have become a second set of parents for me via their constant reassurances, advice, and naked truth about their own lives when discussing my battles with depression. Since I often feel very alone up here in New York because my very best friends have scattered to Maryland, Florida, Los Angeles, Seattle, etc., I’m always thrilled to see one of them. I tend to feel a little normal more normal in their presence because talk picks up as if they’ve never left.
I seem to be going down a bad path again. OK, so we’re headed to Tampa. We’ve asked my friend to try and borrow a car seat and crib/pack & play from someone, but if that doesn’t work we’re going to rent them; just seems to be way too much trouble. I can’t imagine how much we’re going to have to pack. I think Elaine’s going to pick up an extra-large diaper bag to take on the plane (again, pity the poor person sitting next to us in third seat of our row). Sienna gets to fly for free, but will have to sit on our laps during the duration. We picked seats near the front of the plane so we can get out as quick as possible. I hope us flying-with-a-baby virgins are doing all the right things so far. Can you believe we’re prepping two months before we leave??
We don’t have any major Florida plans right now, but I joked that since Sienna would be turning 19 months while we were down there, we should drive the hour or so to Disney World which caused Elaine’s eyes to light up (she hasn’t been to Disney since she was 12). I’m not sure if my friends would be up for it nor am I sure if it’s smart to bring a 19-mo-old to Disney. Is it worth the aggravation? Anyone? Anyone?
Unfortunately, us going to Florida means I won’t be able to attend the wedding of one of my other great friends and I feel guilty about that…stomach clenching guilt. The wedding, which is in Olympia WA, is due to take place a week before the Tampa trip. Elaine had requested days off for Florida before we knew about the wedding so we’d basically have to leave here in the evening (when Elaine gets home from work), arrive in Seattle very late Saturday night, rent a car and drive to Olympia, go to the wedding on Sunday, and then fly out Monday morning. We only have enough miles to cover one of us, so the expense would be enormous. I did a ton of thinking about it and I decided that it wasn’t worth the expense and exhaustion considering we’d barely get to see my friend, his fiancé, and his stepdaughter-to-be. As much as I’d love to be at the wedding and feel indebted to be there, it makes more sense to save up for a trip (hopefully next year) where we’d actually be able to spend time with them. I hope he understands this, but regardless, as always, I’m filled with stupid guilt. I wrote to him yesterday about it, but I haven’t heard back yet and that isn’t helping. My therapist would tell me that guilt serves no purpose and that he’ll completely understand. I hope that’s the case.
In exactly 2 months Sienna will go on one of her greatest (I hope) adventures. As I said, I’m half-excited and half-mortified. I hope the first half wins out.